Sunday, June 05, 2011
I use to be patient, i use to think things through before doing anything, i use to be fearless, i use to be calm, i use to know what i want.Now i am impulsive, i am rash, i make decisions without thinking, i am afraid to do anything cause of all the "what ifs" i get angry easily and i have no aim anymore.
Its as if i lost who i am along the way, i dont like the version of me now, hes uninteresting, not a good friend and not entirely a good person, and i think the people around me feel the same way too. all things may have changed, but i am still good at reading people, even my oldest friends cant stand me anymore.
Why?? what happened along the way to make me become this, this person? i can point out the flaws in others around me, but i am blind and oblivious to my own flaws, which if judged based on how people act towards me, is pretty fucked up. slowly but surely, my friends are distancing themselves from me. i am lousy company, a useless friend, they know it and i know it now.
i want the old version of me back, i liked him better.
i just fear that he is lost forever in this new version of myself