Saturday, May 30, 2009
Sitting on the ledge, I look out into the vast expense of the dark night sky.The cool slow night breeze fan my face, and cooled my body down.
For the first time in days,
I felt at ease,
I felt peace,
I felt the clatter in my mind fade to black.
My worries seemed miniscule,
Toned down,
As though it was someone else's worries.
I felt oddly at ease.
It was 1 in the morning.
The neighbour's houses were quite and dark.
Everyone had climbed into bed and was being lulled to sleep by the sandman.
The only light came from the street lamps.
But my main reason for coming out was not so I could ignore it.
On the contrary,
It was to face it,
To reason with myself,
To make it easier to forget.
And so it all came flooding back to me.
I wished the calm could have lasted.
I wish I could have left it as someone else's problem.
But this is my problem and I have to face it.
And so I will.
Tine away,
Time alone,
Time to help me...
I can see you are a lot happier now,
I can see that you have taken my place,
I can see that you like it there,
I can see that I sort of miss it,
But I do not regret doing what i did,
It has made me sad to some extent,
But I am glad it has made you happier.
I just hope you know what you are doing,
I hope that you don't hurt yourself again.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Am i happier??? I honestly don't know...
I know someone is happier because of what i did...
but is that a good thing???
Am i making the right choice???
Yes i think i made the right choice...
I am much better off now...
Though a part of me wants to go back...
Its a small part too small too insignificant...
I ignore it most of the time...
time makes it easier to bear...
i find it easier to distance myself...
Thursday, May 21, 2009
So today i took my NAPFA... hahahquite happy hahah
with my history of injuries and nonsense i got a sliver sian wanted gold but better then nothing.... no more extra 2 months of NATIONAL SLAVERY for me... and i dont have to run the risk of seeing the FAT CHICKEN PIG MIX... i shall aim to help yannie pass too and mingwei xD
hahaha anyway i got
Pull ups - 10 (11 but my chin missed the bar for one)A5
Standing broad jump - 246 (Amazing hahaha) B4
Shuttle run - 9.8 (Nice) A5
Sit ups - 38 (sian was damn tired after the run) C3
Sit and reach - 50 (A liao lazy go further) A5
2.4 - 12.40 (yes i passed hahaha but my ankle hurts)D2
Total points 24 (Silver)
i think girls look good in short shorts... i got no objections to that xD
But when guys wear it????
thats wear i draw the line....
But whats worst is that the guy is fat, ugly, white and has weird stretch marks on it...
i tell you its disgusting... and its not just short its short, tight and small....
i mean i think it was only slightly bigger then what a small size girl would wear...
don't imagine that k.. its sick...
and his shirt was so long, but somehow thing till you could see his fats...
yeah anyway it was so long that it covers the pants making him look pantsless...
then he went to jump around so gross man... i could see the jiggling fats....
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
why does medicine taste so bad???ever wondered why?
well if it tasted good, then we would all be tempted to stay sick just so we can taste the medicine.
this is so true, even in other situations...
It hurts...
I don't like the feeling of being hurt...
it sucks...
But I suppose that this hurt is suppose to help me in the long run...
its suppose to help me get over it...
to move on...
to just forget...
as much as i don't want it to hurt...
this hurt is necessary...
it makes me more determined to get out of it...
to just forget it and move on...
get on with my life...
sometimes i wonder why i do some really stupid stuff...
stuff that i know, from the start, that is just going to be painful to bear...
yet, i still do it...
i force myself to do it, all the while saying "why the hell am i even doing this???"
i keep asking myself why i bother to add to the already unbearable pain of the situation...
why i inflict additional harm to myself...
i can just leave it be... leave things the way they are...
but then i tell myself...
"pain is your friend, it lets you know you are still alive"
i tell myself that this thing hasn't killed me yet...
i am still fighting to move on...
and each addition stab to myself will make me stronger...
will help me move on faster and more completely...
as much as some part of me still wants to hold on...
to have that little glimmer of hope...
each stab gives me a new reason...
a new reason not to hold on...
not to cling desperately to the last threads of an already hopeless situation...
the hurt now is nothing compared to what i will experience if i don't let go...
that hurt might actually kill me...
Its getting easier...
with each passing day...
with each stab...
with every ounce of pain i feel...
it gets easier...
more bearable...
and one step closer to the ultimate goal of forgetting it...
Friday, May 08, 2009
I need a break...I need a release...
I need away time...
I need away time from School...
I need away time from JC friends...
I need away time from stress...
I need a place where i can forget my troubles...
I don't need a listening ear...
I don't need advice...
I don't need comforting words...
I need time alone...
Away from it all...
Time to think...
To recover...
To move on...
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
the loss of a good friend is one of the hardest things to bare, second only to the lost of a loved one...but its something you have to accept as part and parcel of life...
friendship is something built by communication, but thats only the start of it. for if you simply stop here, then the moment the communication breaks off thats it for your friendship...
you may put your all into it, but at the end of the day, if the friendship was build just on talks, sharing sessions, then the moment these stop, you lose the connection with that friend... sure you will still talk to them occasionally and go out sometimes, but you will find that its not like before... the same kind of closeness is gone, almost as if it was never there to begin with...
sadly, most of our friendships are built like this... even bestfriends that share everything fall apart the moment we run out of things to share... it starts small, you talk less, then slowly but almost surely it stops all together... sad but true...
however, there is the friendships that last the longest... those are the friendships built on hardships and good times share...
and so this post is going out to all my brothers you know who you are...
we have been to hell and back together, endure shit literally and figuratively, we had idiots around us giving us hell and we seen the low of the lows... but somehow we always emerge from the laughing our butts off... "seriously" has become like a joke to us.... no matter how serious the matter is we somehow are able to make a joke of the whole thing... usually we get scolded for that.. but look back it was really worth it... hahah
looking back we have done some of the stupidest things together and those usually have some bad consequences.. hahah be it burning everything we can get our hands on literally, even things that shouldnt be burnt, and either getting scolded for it or getting burnt, drinking things that are bad for you cause you think its water and getting a burning throat... "stealing" stuff thats not ours but always denying it... damaging public property accidentally and breaking all sorts of nonsense with our crazy stunts... and all the other nonsense we do...
its all in the name of fun and thats what builds a true friendship... literally a good friendship is built by stupidity, shit and most importantly.... FUN...
thats why we do it still now...
BROTHERS FOREVER GUYS!
Sunday, May 03, 2009
I am packing my room and deciding if alot of nonsense should be thrown out....And i think i should change my blog skin soon....
Saturday, May 02, 2009
medical science has come a long way. it was not so long ago that we were brought low by plagues and diseases, not to say we arent, we are still searching for a cure for cancer, but everyday illnesses are now curable... take the common cold for example... everyone gets it sometime... there isnt escaping it, but we have ways to deal with... so much so that it now isnt a problem to us at all...does this mean we are safe from dying of flu???
well sad to say, since we came up with something to deal with the flu virus unique to humans, mother nature throws animals our way... yes animals... bird flu... flu of the birds... kills all who contract it... sigh... and here we thought it couldnt get any worst then the strains of bird flu mutating... but it just had to combine itself with the pig flu and the human flu to form... SWINE FLU!!!!!!
sigh wonder why its called swine flu and not pig flu???
i got a few reasons
1 cause people will just laugh at pig flu...
2 cause well its freaking irritating and a swine is what you call an irritating person...
3 cause bird flu is taken human flu is just flu.. so if you combine the three you cant really call it swibirman flu... that sounds weird.. so yeah swine flu...
anyway because of this it causes so much problems sigh ah well lets hope this ends soon
its so much easier now...
its so much better...
and i am much better now...
i have moved on...
life is now back to normal....
Friday, May 01, 2009
You would think that with age comes wisdom...Haha life recently has in a sense been better but worst as well...
its gotten better i would say, because i have gotten to know myself better, i have come to my own conclusions about confusing situations, and i have come up with solutions for it...
thats not to say i like what i concluded or like what i am doing about it... i dont... its hard... its painful... its going to take sometime... and it just gets harder each time.. yeah... i hope the long weekend away helps me out...
i am supposed to be good at this...
moving on...
forgetting...
but its hard cause... cause... yeah well...
i shall not say...
I took the easy way out... or did i???
I am beginning to think that i picked the hardest path...
But i did it cause it was for the best...