Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Negativity the mother of pain, the cause of all the worlds problems.... they all arise from the 'bad feelings' we harbor in ourselves.I have never been one for negativity i seldom take things to heart even though it may look like that on the surface... but recently i have become the victim to the beast that is negativity... its consuming me, and making me think things i shouldnt, things that i know will only hinder me in doing what needs to be done...
I'm a scared to try... afraid of the outcome... confused with the situation... contrary to what others tell me, my gut believes otherwise... despite what i think, my gut tells me i am going to get hurt.. my head is known for getting me into trouble... my heart is responsible for getting me hurt... my gut has seldom been wrong... so why is it so hard to trust it? why is it so hard to forget? why am i still holding on to that hope? is it cause the hope is still fueled? is it cause i am once again putting myself in a painful situation? why cant i follow my gut when i have already decided to??
Its become so hard to suppress it... my feelings... my thoughts... i use to be able to hide my feelings like a pro showing only what i wanted to world to see... i can still do it for other things... but i cant for this... why??? i find myself making rash decisions, decisions that will only increase the pain... why why why??? why is it so hard...
i need to keep my feelings to myself... no i need to hide the feelings from myself like before.... let me be able to do that please...