Tuesday, February 24, 2009
life has this excellent way of screwing with you... i wonder why...
This post was made on the 18 of feb 2009
but i have held of posting this till all interviews people have are over, they need to boost in moral... this really contradicts what i usually tell people and i want to help people not demoralize them
I seriously think that i hope, wish, think, dream too much... these things usually fall through. i am not saying that my hopes and dreams havent come true before, on rare occasions they do...
but seriously hope is an overrated thing, i always tell people to have hope, to believe that everything will turn out find and it will, the fact of the matter is that hope is just a way we trick ourself into thinking positive and making a situation look better. i mean its good to have hope before you start something, due to the fact that it gives you the confidence you need to do better then you could on a normal occasion, cause if you believe in yourself you can achieve greater things... that much i believe... but for a situation you can do nothing to change? something that is totally out of your control? why should i waste my time deluding myself into thinking it is possible for something good to come out of this? most of the time its a let down... and the more you hope, the higher your expectations get, then what happens? it hurts hell of a lot more when you fall.
i dont like falling, falling sucks... i dont like disappointments even more... if the more i hope the more i get disappointed, why border even hoping? isnt it just a masochistic action, i know full well its not going to happen, never had the chance of happening, never will happen... then why still hope? maybe years of masking how i throughly feel, showing a happy face when i am really sad, or a sad face at random times when i need quiet times... i find my face doesnt express what i really feel.. is that good or bad? should i let the world know what i am feeling? its much easier to deny something when the sad expression on your face is fake, and its easier to get through a day with a happy face... that might change that might not? i guess the only person who would really know is me...
i just dont want to be hurt anymore... its best to keep my emotions in check and dont let my feelings get the better of me in situations where i would normally let my protective instincts kick in and save me the trouble of getting hurt time and time again...
i am sorry to all who read this and feel i have been a fake person to them... this is how i feel about myself, it has nothing to do with what i advise you to do of otherwise..... everything has its reason and context and i dont give advise i dont believe in...